Akatsuki: Survivor Style!
by Sakuya Izayoi
Summary: Ever wondered what it'd be like if the members of the Akatsuki were stuck on a deserted island on national television? I know I have! Warning: Contains OOCness, language, and OCs. An interactive fanfic.


**~ Akatsuki Survivor Style! ~**

_As you may, or may not know, I own nothing_

* * *

Momo cleared her throat as she looked over her - warm, because it had just been printed out - script.

She was chosen as the host of a new reality show the author of this story created, and she couldn't be more happy. How many fangirls could say they got to work with the Akatsuki?

That's right, other OCs.

"We're on in 3...2...1"

Almost all of the cameras, and lights suddenly shone on her; she couldn't help but feel a bit nervous all of a sudden.

She wiped the beads of sweat trinkling down her forehead, and chucked her script somewhere off the stage.

"Hello folks, and welcome to the brand new reality show: _Akatsuki Survivor_! For those of you tuning in now, I'll fill you in on this experiment!" Momo coughed a few times to clear her tightening throat. "In this fanfiction, the members of the Akatsuki (minus Orochimaru, of course) will embark on vigiorus, and challenging competitions based on the ones on CBS' show _Survivor_."

The live audience exchanged looks, and sounds of interest.

"But, here's the catch, what ever happens to them is all up to you! (except this first chapter, since, yeah...) Yes, this is an interactive fanfic!"

Cheers, and applause could be heard now.

"So, sit back, relax, pop the popcorn, and let's get this thing started!"

**

* * *

**

**Day 1 - Meet The Akatsuki**

Itachi (Silent But Deadly)

Like all good shows, it's important to introduce who will be on the upcoming show.

Right now, Momo was interviewing the first contestant, Uchiha Itachi.

"Hello, Itachi! Like'd to the readers at home a little about yourself?"

Itachi grunted, arms crossed around his chest in an annoyed manner. "Hn..."

"Oh, c'mon! You didn't sign up for this show for nothing!"

"Leader-sama made me come here." Itachi informed the brunette, tone as uninterested as his posture.

Momo slammed her palm against her forehead; this was going to be a long day, she could already tell.

Deidara (That One Kid)

Next to be interviewed was Deidara, the blond terriorist. Which, isn't a good proffession on a family program, but hey, none of the members were ideal on a PG show.

"Hey, Dei-"

"Hi! It's great to be here, un!" Deidara intercepted, smiling warmly.

If you were close enough to her, you could've seen Momo's left eye twitch.

"Erm, that's nice. But, do you mind not cutting me-"

Deidara interrupted her again. "So, when do we find out which team we'll be on?"

"...Well, when-"

"This is gonna be so fun, un!"

"STOP INTERRUPTING ME!"

Deidara was silent at last, probably due to her small, little outburst.

She sighed, rubbing her temples. "Than-"

"Is this interview over yet?"

"...Please go away now..."

Hidan (Masochistic Psychopath)

After her rough start with Itachi, and her - not much better one - with Deidara, Momo was literally drained of all her usual cheerfulness.

She figured Hidan wouldn't care, so at least she wouldn't have to fake it.

"Hi. Tell the readers who you are." Momo said, almost monotonously.

Hidan slammed his fist down at the coffee table in front of her, causing her to flinch.

"I DEMAND A PEPPIER HOST!" He shouted. If he was going to listen to a female Itachi voice drone on all day, he was going to _kill_ himself. (Not really, because he..Ya know...)

Momo stood up. "LIKE YOU'RE SO FUCKING PEPPY!"

Hidan stood up as well, glaring the girl down. "PEPPIER THAN YOU, BETCH!"

Strings of colorful curses, and words escaped their lips; the rest was cut off due to the author not wanting to bump up the rating.

Zetsu (Cannibal)

Momo fumbled with the microphone clipped to her shirt. "Are we even on?" She asked, after minutes of just sitting there.

The manager of the show - Kimyko - shrugged, half heartedly. "No, someone ate the camera man."

"WHAT?"

"Not my fault."

Zetsu burped, wiping the blood on his lips with his pocket hankerchief.

Human blood stains, ya know.

Konan (The Blue Haired Wonder)

20 minutes, and searching for two replacement camera men passed before Momo could move on with the interviews.

"Konan! Our lone girl; tell us about yourself!"

Konan gave her a small smile. "Hello, my name is Konan (last name not given). I like creating origami." She pointed to the intricate flower adorned in her sapphire, blue locks.

Momo grinned, at least she could get this girl talking. "Cool! Anything else?"

She thought for a minute before answering, "...No, not really."

Momo sighed, and got up, making her way to the exit.

She wasn't getting enough for this job, and wished the author would've chosen an actual Naruto character for it.

Poor Momo.

Pain (Pain)

"So! Pain-"

"That's Leader-sama to you." He broke in, folding his hands in a business-y manner.

Momo cocked her head to the side. He was joking, right? "B-but, you're not my leader!"

Pain merely glared at her, his rinnegan glowing, menacingly.

"_Leader_-sama, what do you like doing?"

Pain sat back some in the throne he had demanded (Even though Momo was forced to sit in a foldable chair). "Oh, what most mastermind villians do, get a persian cat, and take over the world." He replied, stroking the white cat in his lap.

"...You do realize that's a 'Fur Real' cat, right?"

"NO! FLUFFY'S REAL!" He began whispering to, and petting the cat, completely ignoring the host, trying to hang herself with her microphone cord.

Sasori (Pedophile)

Sasori looked past the host, quietly reading what was under his name. "What the hell does that mean?"

Momo turned around. "Pedophile? A pedophile is an adult who is sexual-"

"I know what it means!" Sasori suddenly snapped. "Why am I considered one?"

"Deidara." She believed they secretly had something, and it was part of her job to expose it for all Yaoi fans watching the show.

Sasori scoffed. "Deidara? That brat?"

She nodded. "Yes, what is he, like, 7?"

Somewhere off the camera, Deidara exclaimed, "I'M NINETEEN, DAMMIT!"

Kisame (The One Know One Secretly Likes But We Pretend To Because He's Really Tall And Could Easily Kill Us With That Huge Sword He Carries Around - Guy)

Both just sat there, blinking at each other.

Neither knew what to say.

Tobi (The 'Good Boy')

Moving on, this contestant was probably the one Momo loathed the most.

Tobi.

Before she even began asking questions, he randomly shouted. "TOBI'S A GOOD BOY!" Multiple times.

"Yes, I got that, NINE TIMES!"

There was another silence. Maybe if she was lucky, he had passed out. It's not like you could tell when he wore that orange, swirly mask.

"TOBI'S A GOOD BOY!"

Momo twitched, and clenched her fist together.

No, she couldn't kill him, the ratings of this story might go down.

"Kimyko, am I allowed to 'accidently' kill off some contestants?"

Kimyko looked up from the cup of coffee in her hand. "Sure, knock yourself out."

Oh, goody.

Kakuzu (Old Man)

Momo looked at the profile of Kakuzu that she had in her hands.

The question that asked: _What is your age? _Was left empty.

"How old are you, really?"

Kakuzu replied, with a child voice, "14?"

Momo looked very unconvinced.

"...And a half."

* * *

Some time had passed. Now, with interviews done, they could move on the part of the show everyone enjoyed the most.

Choosing the teams!

"And now that introductions are out of the way! Thank god! Time to pick teams!"

"YAY, I HOPE I GET SEMPAI!" Tobi cheered, flailing his arms like some sort of maniac.

"I hope I get Danna!" Deidara looked over to the red head, who was writing something on a small, square piece of paper.

For the sake of Momo's job, cross your fingers, and hope it's a love letter.

"I hope I get Ita-san..." Kisame murmurred, slight pink tinting his cheeks. (Would he turn purple?)

Itachi grumbled to himself. "I hope I get none of you."

"I HOPE JASHIN-SAMA IS WATCHING!" Hidan shouted into the heavens, getting everyone to give him weird looks.

There was another awkward silence; let's also hope these don't happen too much on the show.

Momo coughed, gaining everyone's attention again. "Anyway! Itachi, Tobi, pick first!"

Itachi already knew he was going to pick. "Kisame."

"TAKE THAT, BETCHES!" Kisame yelled, happily standing next to the Uchiha.

"THAT'S MY LINE! Wait..." Hidan pulled out the imaginary script he had, and started skimming through the pages.

"Sempai!" Tobi shouted, still jumping up, and down after all of that.

Deidara sighed. Great, he already had to deal with him as a partner, and it looked like he'd have to do it on national television too.

"Yeah, didn't see that coming, un..." The blond strolled over to where Tobi was standing.

Kisame stroked his chin, mentally wondering who to pick next. "I'll take Kakuzu!"

"Oh joy." Exclamied Kakuzu, sarcasm clear in his voice. The masked man went to stand with his group.

Finally, the moment Deidara had been looking forward to. In the loudest, yet happiest voice he could muster, he shouted. "Danna!~"

Sasori sighed, thinking the same thing Deidara did minutes ago, and walked over to Deidara, and Tobi.

Kakuzu's eyes scanned who were left. "Let's see..."

Hidan raised his hand, jumping up, and down. "Oh! Oh! Oh! ME! ME! ME!"

"Konan."

"WHAT?"

Konan smiled, and made her way over to her new group.

Sasori sighed. "Get over here, Hidan."

"Dammit. I get stuck with a transvestite, puppet, and a lunatic!" Hidan whined, looking over his new group.

"Haha, Tobi, he called you a transvestite!" Deidara stated, clearly not realizing who Hidan actually meant.

Sasori, and Hidan both face-palmed themselves.

Konan looked over remaining two members. _'Hmm...A control freak, or a man eater who'd turn on us if we ever ran out of food..._"Zetsu."

Zetsu's white side was clearly happy. "Yay, we didn't get picked last!" His black side, not as much. "But the bitch picked us...I rather be on the other team."

Pain stood still, dumbfounded on how the events had played out. "I was picked last? Me? The almighty Pain?"

Konan exhaled. "Here we go."

"YOU SHALL RUE THIS DAY, ICARLY!"

"Wrong show."

"Right!" Pain wiped the sweat off his forehead."You have to understand Pain, to accept Pain, to know Pain!"

"Moving on now!" Momo clapped her hands together. Gosh, for a group of criminals, the author really made them like zoo animals. "Teams, time to chose your group name!"

"GROUP HUDDLE!" Tobi forced his group to get in a huddle circle.

"I say _'The Sexy Backs'_!" Hidan asserted, flipping his platinum hair.

"Hidan, no. That's-" Sasori had gotten cut off.

Deidara seemed all on board with the name. "YEAH! 'CAUSE WE'RE ALL SEXY! Well, some of us, un..." He looked over to Tobi, looking around in a daze.

That _thing_ was suppose to be their group leader?

"I say we should call ourselves _'The Pains'_."

Sasori groaned. "That's much, much worse."

Momo walked over to the bickering team. "Group one, have you chosen a name?"

"THE SEXY BACKS!" Hidan shouted, ripping off his shirt, causing multiple girls watching to have fangasms.

Group two stared in confusion.

"Hidan chose the name..." Sasori said quickly, looking around nervously.

"_'Sexy Backs'_...Okay...Group 2?"

Itachi spoke up. "Yes. We have decided on _'Itachi Is Super, Mega, Foxy Hot. And He Is Better Than Deidara.'_"

Deidara growled, shooting a glare at Itachi. "SAY THAT TO MY FACE, UCHIHA!"

Konan whacked Itachi upside his head. "Wrong! Our name is _'Konno.'_"

Momo whipped out a Japanese-To-English dictionary, and searched up what the name meant. "Oh! Dark blue plains it is!" She shut the book close.

"Sexy Backs, here are you bandannas!" She threw them five yellow ones. "Konnos!" They were handed blue ones.

Tobi pouted. "Aww, Tobi likes blue!"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP, OR I'LL KICK YOU!"

"Sempai! Protect me!"

Deidara was having a glaring match with Itachi, determined to beat him. "Shhh, must focusss..." He blinked. "DAMN!"

Momo hit herself with her microphone multiple times. "This is gonna be a fun 12 episodes..."

* * *

**A/N - WHOO! THAT WAS TOTALLY SUCKY, AND CRAPTASTIC! =_=**

**Okay, well, I got this idea randomly some time. And, yeah! If you have any suggestions, please review, and I'll comply!**


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